When we listen to the stories of bereaved fathers and partners, a common theme emerges. Many describe carrying a significant loss while feeling uncertain whether their grief is recognised by those around them.
For decades, research exploring pregnancy loss has focused primarily on the experiences of the woman. This focus is understandable. Pregnancy loss can have profound physical, emotional, and psychological consequences. Yet a growing body of research suggests that fathers and partners may also experience grief, sadness, helplessness, anxiety, and a deep sense of loss following miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death.
While not all partners identify as fathers, much of the research exploring partner grief following pregnancy loss has focused on men in heterosexual relationships. In this article, we use the terms fathers and partners when discussing that body of research. Grief is a deeply individual experience, and many of the responses described here may resonate with people across a wide range of family structures and identities.
It’s also important to recognise the limitations of the research itself. Much of what we know about fathers’ experiences comes from studies involving heterosexual couples living in high-income countries, with participants who are predominantly White. As a result, many families remain underrepresented in the literature, and most of the world’s population remains largely absent from this body of research.
Rather than asking whether fathers grieve differently, a more helpful question may be whether we have become skilled at recognising what grief can look like when it is expressed in different ways. Understanding men and miscarriage is not about comparing one person’s grief with another’s. It is about ensuring that our care, our conversations, and our support extend to everyone affected by the loss.
How Fathers’ Grief Often Goes Unrecognised
When we talk about men and miscarriage, one of the most consistent findings in the literature is that fathers and partners are often deeply affected by pregnancy loss. Yet their experiences are often less visible within the conversations, systems, and support structures that surround loss.
Part of this reflects where attention naturally falls. The physical realities of pregnancy loss are experienced by the woman, and her care rightly remains a priority. At the same time, research suggests that partners can find themselves occupying an uncertain space, deeply affected by the loss while also being expected to support someone else through it.
For some fathers, this can contribute to what has been described as disenfranchised grief: grief that isn’t fully recognised, acknowledged, or supported by those around them. Some researchers have suggested that fathers may experience a form of double disenfranchisement, carrying not only a loss that isn’t always recognised or understood by society, but also grief that is overlooked because attention is focused elsewhere.
One woman who had experienced recurrent pregnancy loss reflected on the impact the losses had on her partner. While he was trying to support her, she recalled that nobody had asked him how he was coping or whether he needed support. Her account reflects a theme that appears repeatedly in the literature: fathers are often seen as supporters, but less often recognised as people who may also be grieving. Men and miscarriage is an area where this gap shows up clearly, since fathers’ grief after miscarriage specifically tends to get even less acknowledgment than grief after stillbirth or neonatal loss.
This isn’t only a healthcare issue. Experiences of recognition, or the absence of it, can emerge within families, workplaces, friendship groups, and wider communities. Even when people care deeply, they may not always know how to acknowledge a loss that feels difficult to talk about.
Understanding fathers’ grief begins with recognising that pregnancy loss affects more than one person. While every experience is unique, creating space for fathers and partners to be acknowledged in their own right is one way we can move towards more inclusive bereavement care.
Also read: Disenfranchised Grief and Acknowledging the Pain No One Sees
What Grief Can Look Like for Fathers After Pregnancy Loss
One of the challenges in recognising fathers’ grief is that there is no single way it’s expressed. Research suggests that fathers and partners can experience profound sadness, helplessness, anxiety, and emotional distress following pregnancy loss, but these experiences are highly individual.
Importantly, these experiences are not unique to fathers. Many of the responses described in the literature are common grief responses that may be experienced by anyone affected by pregnancy loss (in fact, any kind of loss). What often differs isn’t the grief itself, but how readily it’s recognised and responded to by others.
For some, grief may be visible and openly expressed. Others may appear composed, focus on practical tasks, immerse themselves in work or direct their energy towards caring for those around them. These responses are not unique to men, nor do they tell us how deeply someone is grieving.
Qualitative research has found that many fathers describe a sense of powerlessness during and after a pregnancy loss. Unable to change what’s happening, they may find themselves navigating not only the loss of a baby, but also the loss of hopes, expectations, and a future they had begun to imagine.
Some fathers speak of feeling uncertain about their place within the loss itself. While their grief is real, it may be less visible to others, leaving them unsure whether it’s appropriate to express it or seek support. Others describe feeling pressure to remain strong, practical, or emotionally available for their partner, even when they themselves are struggling.
Many fathers return to work within days of a miscarriage or stillbirth. This shouldn’t be mistaken for evidence that they are coping well or have moved on. For some, work may offer structure, distraction, financial necessity, or a sense of normality at a time when life feels profoundly disrupted.
Rather than assuming we know what a man’s grief after miscarriage looks like, it can be more helpful to approach each person with curiosity. A father who appears composed is not necessarily unaffected by the loss, just as visible distress doesn’t tell us everything about another person’s experience. Grief is deeply personal, and its presence cannot be measured by how visible it is to those around us.
Also read: How We Can Strengthen Support for Families Experiencing Pregnancy Loss
The Supporter Role and Invisible Grief
One of the themes that appears consistently in research exploring men and miscarriage is the role of the supporter. Many fathers describe focusing their attention on the needs of their partner, managing practical responsibilities, and helping others navigate the immediate aftermath of the loss.
For some, this role feels instinctive. For others, it may reflect personal beliefs, family expectations, cultural influences, or assumptions about what’s needed during a crisis. Whatever the reason, prioritising the wellbeing of others can leave less space to acknowledge their own grief.
Some men describe feeling caught between their own emotional responses and a desire to remain strong for those around them. Others speak of delaying their grief or struggling to find opportunities to express it. This doesn’t mean they’re grieving less. In some cases, it may simply mean their grief is less visible.
When grief remains largely unseen, it can be easier for others to assume that support is unnecessary. Yet a man who appears calm, practical, or focused on caring for others may still be carrying profound sadness, uncertainty, or pain. This pattern shows up clearly in the research around men and miscarriage, where fathers’ instinct to manage things practically is sometimes mistaken for an absence of grief.
Recognising the supporter role doesn’t mean assuming that every partner will experience it. Instead, it invites us to consider how responsibility and care for others can sometimes make grief harder to see.
Also read: What Is Delayed Grief & Why Can It Show Up Years Later?
How We Can Include Fathers and Partners in Our Care
Recognising a partners’ grief is one thing. Ensuring they feel included in the care and support that follows is another. Small actions can make a meaningful difference in supporting men and miscarriage.
Ask partners directly about their experience
A simple question directed to the man or partner, rather than through the woman, can signal that their experience matters too. Asking, “What has this been like for you?” creates an opportunity for them to share as much or as little as they wish. Questions such as, “What would make you feel seen and cared for right now?” can also help us avoid making assumptions about what support might be most helpful.
Look beyond the supporter role
When a partner appears focused on supporting others, it can be easy to assume they’re coping well. Taking a moment to acknowledge that they may also be carrying their own grief can help create space for a different conversation.
Recognise grief that is quiet, withdrawn, or composed
Not everyone expresses grief openly. Some people talk about their loss readily, while others communicate it through silence, practical action, or a need for privacy. Remaining curious rather than making assumptions can help us respond to the person in front of us.
Acknowledge the loss clearly
Simple acknowledgements matter. Naming the baby, acknowledging the loss, or recognising that a partner may also be grieving can help counter some of the invisibility described throughout this article. This is especially true in the context of men and miscarriage, where the loss often gets less social recognition than stillbirth or infant death.
Supporting partners doesn’t require us to shift attention away from the woman who experienced the physical realities of the loss. Rather, it invites us to widen our awareness and recognise that pregnancy loss can affect multiple people in different ways.
Also read: When Loss Has No Name: Understanding Ambiguous Loss
Deepening Your Practice
Supporting men and partners after pregnancy loss begins with recognising that they may be grieving too. It requires more than knowing what to say in the moment – it asks us to reflect on how our systems, conversations, and assumptions shape the care families receive. Men and miscarriage is one part of this picture that still gets overlooked in bereavement care.
When we become more aware of the different ways grief can be expressed, we create more opportunities for people to feel recognised and supported. That awareness develops over time, through learning, reflection, and continued exposure to the breadth of what bereaved families actually carry.
Our Supporting Families Through Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death education series explores exactly this, including how we can strengthen support for partners, fathers, and the wider family system around a loss.
This live online series covers grief literacy, the companioning approach, skilled communication, cultural and systemic influences on grief, and professional sustainability, and is open to practitioners across healthcare, therapeutic, community, and wellbeing settings at any stage of their professional journey.
If you’d like to explore grief-informed perinatal bereavement care in a structured, supported learning environment, you can book your space for September 2026 here.
Also read: Anger after Pregnancy Loss: What It May Be Communicating and How We Can Respond
People Also Ask
Do fathers grieve pregnancy loss as deeply as mothers?
Grief can’t be measured or compared between individuals. Fathers and partners can experience profound grief following pregnancy loss, including feelings of sadness, anxiety, helplessness, and a sense of losing the future they had begun to imagine.
Research on men and miscarriage suggests that fathers may experience many of the same grief responses as other bereaved parents. What can differ is not necessarily the grief itself, but how visible it is and whether it is recognised and supported by others.
What about LGBTQ+ partners and pregnancy loss?
Much of the research exploring partner grief following pregnancy loss has focused on men in heterosexual relationships, which means the experiences of LGBTQ+ families remain underrepresented in the literature. While every person’s grief is unique, many of the themes described in this article, including sadness, helplessness, disrupted hopes for the future, and the need for recognition and support, may resonate across diverse family structures.
More research is needed to better understand the experiences of LGBTQ+ families and ensure that bereavement care reflects the diversity of the families it serves.
Can a father’s coping style affect his partner’s recovery from pregnancy loss?
Pregnancy loss affects both individuals and relationships. Research on men and miscarriage suggests that partners’ experiences of grief can be interconnected, and when either person feels unsupported or unable to express their grief, this can affect how couples communicate and support each other.
Rather than focusing on whether someone is coping in the “right” way, it can be more helpful to consider whether both partners have opportunities to be heard, supported, and recognised in their own experience of loss.
Do men experience physical symptoms of grief after pregnancy loss?
Grief can affect the body as well as emotions. Some fathers and partners report experiences such as disrupted sleep, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, or physical tension following pregnancy loss.
Because grief may not always be openly expressed, these experiences can go unnoticed unless practitioners create opportunities to ask about them.
Are there support resources specifically designed for grieving fathers?
Support specifically designed for fathers and partners following pregnancy loss remains less common than resources aimed at women. However, peer support, bereavement organisations, and personal accounts from bereaved fathers can provide important recognition and connection.
Organisations such as Tommy’s, Sands, and The Miscarriage Association offer information and support for families affected by pregnancy loss, including resources that may be helpful for partners and fathers.
When practitioners know what resources are available for men and miscarriage, they can play an important role in helping fathers and partners find support that acknowledges their experience.
Why don’t workplaces typically offer leave for fathers after pregnancy loss?
Workplace policies around pregnancy loss have historically been inconsistent, even for women who experience the physical realities of miscarriage, stillbirth, or other forms of pregnancy loss. Where leave and support do exist, they have often focused primarily on the woman.
As a result, fathers and partners have frequently been excluded from formal recognition and support, despite also being affected by the loss. This reflects a broader pattern of disenfranchisement: when someone’s grief is not fully recognised by society, systems and policies may fail to provide the time, flexibility, or support they need.
Recognising that fathers and partners can also be bereaved requires us to look beyond individual support and consider whether the systems around pregnancy loss create meaningful recognition and support for everyone affected.
Also read: What to Say to Someone Bereaved or Grieving Any Loss
References
Aventin, A., et. al. (2025, November 3). Recurrent pregnancy loss, psychological distress and wellbeing support for women: A mixed-methods analysis. BMC Womens Health, 25, Article 535.
Bristowe, K., et. al (2016). The bereavement experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or trans people who have lost a partner: A systematic review, thematic synthesis and modelling of the literature. Palliative Medicine, 30(8), 730 – 744.
Doka, K. J. (Ed.). (1989). Disenfranchised grief: Recognising hidden sorrow. Lexington Books.
Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (Eds). (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor & Francis.
Obs, K., et. al. (2020). Men’s grief following pregnancy loss and neonatal loss: A systematic review and emerging theoretical model. BMC Pregnancy Childbirth.
Williams, H., et. al. (2019, September 16). Men and miscarriage: A systematic review and thematic synthesis. Qualitative Health Research, 30(1), 133 – 145.
Further Resources
Personal perspectives from bereaved fathers
Alongside research and professional resources, personal stories can help us understand the lived experience of fathers after pregnancy and baby loss. These conversations offer one father’s reflections on grief, identity, and navigating life after stillbirth.
When Grief & Joy Collide with David Ryall
Parenting Through the Silence with David Ryall
Dad Always – Fatherhood beyond loss community
Pregnancy & Baby Loss Charities
These organisations are UK-based but offer resources that may be helpful more broadly.
